The only way back home
by ohmypreciousgirl
Summary: "I'm setting you free, Elena. This is what I want. This is what will make me happy. I want you to just forget about me. You'll never think of me again, and you'll stop caring about me. You'll lead your life like you never met me before." Damon let Elena go, but what happens when Elena's mind starts fighting against his last command?
1. Chapter 1

"_You want a love that consumes you," the stranger says as he moves closer to her. "You want passion, an adventure, and even a little danger," he finishes with a knowing smirk._

_She stares at him, mesmerized. Elena never reflected about what she wanted out of love and it made her wonder if this stranger could read her well enough to know it when she didn't. He had said the same thing her mother had told her about Matt – that she knew how she felt about him. Can he possibly be right? Regaining her voice, she inquires:_

"_So, what do you want?" she sees him hesitate before the sound of a car arriving gets her attention._

"_It's my parents," she says turning back to look at him and their bodies almost collide. He's moved even closer to her, his bright blue eyes burning into hers._

"_I want you to get everything that you're looking for," he softly. Elena frowns at his words, a little surprised by the intensity and sincerity in the voice of a man she doesn't even know. "But right now I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing that I'm in town yet. Goodnight, Elena."_

* * *

Elena wakes with a start, the familiar pain in her chest growing and blurring her vision for a moment with its strength. Just as suddenly it arrives, it disappears.

As a vampire, she has a high tolerance for pain, but this torturous burning leaves her so weak and cold that she curses whoever inflicted the agony on her. She takes several deep breathes before she feels confident enough to get up and open the small fridge beside her bed, grabbing a blood bag and ripping it open with her fangs. The delicious blood hits the back of her throat, warming her up and making her feel better almost immediately.

Throwing the bag in the trash, she climbs out of bed and heads for her desk. She opens a drawer and pulls out her diary and a flask of liquor. The only things that make her feel better after these "attacks" are blood, writing and, weirdly enough, bourbon. Taking a gulp of her of the liquor, she starts writing.

* * *

_Dear diary, it happened again. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to _live_ like this. It's an existence filled with emptiness and pain. _

_Caroline told me that I'd always have this hole in my head because whatever I lost would never come back to me. If it did, awful things would happen. That was the curse the witch put on me. Caroline promised me that she didn't know what that person took from me, and that it would be better to let it go._

_I also know that she's lying. Everyone I love is lying to me and I can't do anything about it because I'm so scared all of the time. I thought I hated the person I became when I turned, but no. I hate the person I became after the curse. I feel so numb and incomplete. This hole in my memory is consuming my life. I've these dreams every night that I can't remember, and then I wake up with horrible chest pain that leaves me weak and trembling under the covers. I don't know how long I can endure this. It's been almost two months and am barely holding it together._

_How am I supposed to handle an eternity?_

* * *

"Hey," Stefan greets her in front of her locker.

"Hey," she replies.

"You look pretty today," he compliments her. Elena gives him a small smile, but doesn't say anything, turning her back to him and pretending she's trying to find something in her locker.

"I know you have a free period now, so why don't we grab coffee and talk a little? It's been so long since we just…hung out," he pleads.

Elena looks at him and ponders the offer for a second.

"Okay."

* * *

"So, how are you?" Stefan inquires with a concerned smile.

"Fine," she lies.

She hasn't told her friends about her troubles and they haven't noticed, so she sees no reason to tell Stefan now. Although, she can't decide if she's glad no one has seen through her lies or if she's upset that no one knows her well enough to see that she's lying.

The burning sensation returns suddenly, fast, sharp and without warning, taking all of her focus as she struggles to push it aside along with her conflicting thoughts about her friends.

"Elena, I need to be honest with you," he declares, taking one of her hands in his. She fidgets in her seat, feeling uncomfortable under his intense look.

"About what?" she asks, as a flicker of hope flares inside of her. _Maybe he's going to tell me the truth about what everyone has been hiding from me._

Taking a deep breath, he says the last thing she expects. "I miss you."

Stunned, Elena stares at him for a second before briefly closing her eyes and taking a breath. "Stefan…"

"Elena, come on. Be honest. I think you miss me too. Why not be together again?" he brings her hand to his lips and kisses it. Struggling not to cringe, Elena takes her hand away from him and puts in her lap.

"I broke up with you for a reason, Stefan," she says uneasily.

He scoffs. "Yeah, can you even remember why we broke up, because I can't."

She hesitates for a second, frowning as she realizes that she doesn't remember the exact conversation. She knows the _reason, _however, and she thought Stefan understood when they broke up and later at the Miss Mystic Falls party when she told him to move on. But apparently he didn't get the message.

"Of course, I do," Elena says gently, steeling herself to tell the truth as she watches his expression darken.

"What is it, Elena?"

"I love you, Stefan. I'll always love you. So much," she promises, his expression softening and easing the anxiety in her chest. She wants him to know he'll always have a special place in her heart. "You're my first love."

He smiles sadly at that. "But?"

"But I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry."

Elena doesn't wait for his answer; she just gets up and walks away.

* * *

"What the hell are you thinking?" Caroline screams, barging into her room without knocking.

"Good afternoon, Caroline," Elena says dryly, keeping her gaze on her algebra homework.

Caroline snatches the book out of her hands, prompting Elena's anger from the inside out.

"What is your problem, Caroline?" she yells at her friend.

"My problem is that you stomped on Stefan's heart. How could you lie to him and tell him that you're not in love with him anymore?"

"I think you're confusing me with you, Caroline. I'm not a liar."

"What is that supposed to mean?" the blond sputters, turning red as Elena raises a skeptical brow.

"I am not in love with Stefan," Elena states, uttering each word distinctly. "Is it hard for you to understand? Do you want me to draw you a picture?"

Livid and speechless, Caroline shakes her head.

"Why are you so invested in my feelings for Stefan?"

"I'm not," she denies.

"Says the girl who came screaming at me in my own home because I'm not in love with my ex anymore."

"It's just…" Caroline shrugs weakly. "You and Stefan are supposed to share this epic love. If the two of you can't make it, who can?"

"You shouldn't put your expectations of love onto other people's relationships, Caroline," Elena replies with a frown. "It's crazy and unfair. Stefan and I are not an epic love. Accept it and move on."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, averting her gaze and falling silent.

"Yeah, you should be. Can't you just be a good friend and support my decision?" Elena asks her.

Offended, Caroline protests. "I _am_ a good friend."

"Yeah, to Stefan," Elena snorts. "Because if you were _my_ good friend you'd respect me and my wishes."

Caroline closes her eyes and nods. "You're right," she sighs.

"I know," Elena replies, crossing her arms and staring at her friend impassively. A few minutes pass in a tense silence, before Caroline breaks it again with another apology. Unmoved, Elena cuts her off, turning her attention back to her algebra homework. "Whatever, Caroline. Just leave me alone."

"Elena…"

"Leave, please. I need to finish my homework," she says, ignoring her friend pleas.

Elena doesn't breathe easy until she hears the front door closing again.

* * *

Elena hears the sound of a car engine close to her house, prompting the image of a blue, '69 Chevy Camaro to flash through her mind as the familiar burning sensation in her chest starts again. She's tries to focus on it, to draw the memory to the forefront of her mind, but she's distracted by the sound of footsteps on the porch. The front door opens, drawing her out of her bedroom and down to the living room in matter of seconds.

"Jeremy," she cries, noticing her brother in the shadows.

"Elena," he says turning the lights on. She feels a little nervous, remembering that the last time they talked he tried to kill her, but she knows he'd only be back if he'd gotten his vampire hunter instincts under control. The smile on her brother's face confirms her suspicions and she smiles back, straight into his arms.

"You're back," she whispers in his ear.

"Yes, I am and I'm going to stay now," he assures her, squeezing her tightly. "I promise you that I'll never leave you again."

Elena tightens her grip on Jeremy, his words wrapping around her heart with a familiarity that brings on the familiar pain until when she hears another set of footsteps. Opening her eyes, she meets the gaze of the most gorgeous man she's ever seen in her life. Suddenly self-conscious under the man's unrelenting gaze, she releases Jeremy, trying to fix her hair and straighten her shirt. She curses herself mentally for rushing downstairs in her pajamas.

"You didn't tell me you had company, Jeremy."

"Right, "Jeremy says with a frown. "Elena this is Damon. Damon helped me with my vampire problem."

Elena eyes widen in realization. "You're one of…"

"Yes, I am," he finishes. _Of course he is, _Elena thinks, smiling and nodding. Someone that gorgeous _should_ be a supernatural creature. Without noticing, she closes the distance between her and Damon.

"Thank you," she says sincerely, looking at his eyes.

"You're welcome," he replies, drawing Elena's gaze to his mouth as if hypnotized. A strong desire to jump into his arms and kiss him senseless sweeps through her, but somehow she manages to restrain herself. Taking a breath to steady herself, she smiles at him.

"You guys drove for so long, why don't you come in? I can make coffee."

Damon's bright blue eyes lock on hers for a second before he closes them briefly and shakes his head.

"Can't. Sorry. I've to go, but thanks," he says, his expression inexplicably sad. "Are you going to be okay, Jeremy?"

"Yes, Damon. I promise," Jeremy assures his friend. They exchange a long look, before Damon turns to Elena.

"It was nice to meet you, Damon," she says extending her hand.

"Great meeting you, too, Elena," he answers, taking her hand and shaking it after a lengthy hesitation.

Elena gasps the instant his skin touches hers. Her vision blurs, the front door fades away and she's at Boarding House. Damon is standing in front of her, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it with a smirk. Suddenly her head throbs as the pain in her chest spreads throughout her body and it feels like she's burning alive.

Elena screams.

She screams and screams until everything goes black.

_**TBC**_

**A.N.:** I believe everyone has a lot of questions, but I guarantee you everything will get its answer in the right time. I want to update once in a week, so it won't take long for the next chapter. I want to say a big thank you to my editing team: Ani (amorevna tumblr), Vicky (playingfetchwithdinosaurs tumblr) and Mariah (mchriste22 here). This story wouldn't be here without you, guys.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything is a blur when Elena wakes up. She feels a hand touch her face as she opens her eyes slightly and starts to sit.

_Jeremy._

She tries to get her eyes to focus when she hears a muffled voice coming from her window. She can't make out the words, but she knows that someone is there. Following the sound, she immediately recognizes Jeremy's friend. Suddenly, the room gets very bright and she can see him looking at her with a small smile on his lips.

_Damon._

She clutches at her chest and screams as everything starts to fade into black. She knows that she is losing consciousness, even before her head hits the pillow.

* * *

Elena wakes up with Jeremy by her side again. Her eyes scan the room quickly, trying to ascertain Damon's presence, but he isn't there anymore. Suppressing the disappointment is impossible.

And pointless.

"Will this become a routine? You being here every time I wake up," she teases him lightly, sitting up in her bed.

Jeremy scoffs, "I don't know, will you blacking out on me and screaming in pain become a habit too?"

Averting her eyes, Elena says nothing.

"There's something wrong with you, Elena."

She snorts, "Yeah, you can say that again. I've been cursed by a witch."

Rubbing his forehead in frustration, he shakes his head. "As your brother, I'm asking you to talk to Shane. Whatever your friends told you, it's not like that. He'll help you. I promise."

Elena notes the worried look in her brother's eyes - a look she hasn't seen since the hunter problem - and she can't help but nod. It's probably useless, but Jeremy is reaching out and trying to help her rather than kill her, so she'll do it for him.

Even embrace a lost cause.

"He's outside right now, can you talk to him?" Jeremy presses his eyes full of hope.

"Sure," she smiles.

Nodding, he gets up and opens her door, letting Shane into her bedroom.

"Good morning, Elena."

"Morning."

Shane sits at the bottom of the bed while Jeremy sits by her side. She still can't decide if he's someone she can trust. He helped Jeremy, but something in his eyes makes Elena uncomfortable and a voice in the back of her mind warns her to be wary.

_You're doing__ it for Jeremy_, she reminds herself.

"Jeremy told me what happened yesterday," he pauses, staring her. "You don't look surprised or freaked out by it. Why is that?"

She takes a deep breath, "It's not the first time something like that has happened."

"Exactly like that?"

Elena nods. "The pain was just more intense than normal."

"I see," he says, looking slightly more interested than before. "Could you tell me more about it? When it started, how it evolved, what usually makes it happen…?"

Elena frowns, trying to organize all these "attacks" in her head. "The first one happened about one week after I woke up from the curse. I was sleeping and dreaming about something and then I woke up with chest pain. At first, it only happened when I woke up from a dream, but as time went on it started to happen when I was awake too. Then, it started happening more randomly."

"And you have no idea what triggers it?" he asks.

She hesitates. "I try to reach something in my mind and I can't, so it hurts. I can control it, though. I just think about something else and the pain fades."

Shane smiles. "You're breaking it."

Elena's eyes widen. "What?"

"Your mind is trying to break free, but your body is rejecting it. That explains the pain."

She shakes her head. "I-I can't. It's not possible. Caroline told me I can't break the curse, 'that whatever the witch erased it was gone forever.' And if it came back, horrible things would happen."

"Elena, listen to him," Jeremy whispers, grabbing her hand.

"The 'curse'," Shane says, using air quotes, "doesn't work like that."

"Why the air quotes?" she inquires suspiciously.

"It wasn't a curse that erased your memories," he explains.

"So, what was it?"

Shane exchanges a look with Jeremy. He opens his mouth, but seems to rethink what he was going to say, so he shrugs.

"It wasn't a curse or a spell; it was a powerful command to control your mind. It blocked your memories."

Elena head is spinning with this new information. "But Caroline told me…"

He cuts her. "Maybe you shouldn't believe everything your friends tell you."

Elena takes a deep breath. In a way, she's not surprised, she knew something was wrong and her friends were hiding things from her, but facing the truth stings. For two long months she believed she was cursed for eternity and now Shane tells her that there was never a curse in the first place. Why would one of her best friends make her believe a lie? She shakes her head in confusion, swallowing the feeling of betrayal, choosing to focus on her problem. She could dwell on her relationships later.

"Tell me what is happening to me," she demands. "If it's not a curse, why this is happening to me?"

"Like I said I believe your body and your mind are at war right now, because there's no other consequence than you forgetting a few things", he explains. "You're not supposed to feel pain, Elena. In fact, you're not even supposed to recognize that something is missing inside your head."

"If I'm not supposed to recognize it, how am I doing it?" she asks confused.

He holds up his hands. "I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I think it's your strong emotional connection with these memories. Real feelings are stronger than anything," he hesitates for a second before continuing. "Your mind wants to break through the mental block, but your body, under the control of the command, is fighting it. If you focus on the pain instead of distracting your mind from it, you get your memories back and-"

"I break the mind control," she finishes, locking eyes with Shane as he nods in assent.

"Try to remember the last moments of your first black out from last night. Do you have any new memories now?"

Elena frowns, mentally recounting it.

_Jeremy arrived with a hot friend, his name was Damon. Small talk. I invited him to coffee, he said no. He touched my hand and I…_

Her eyes widen in realization.

"I met Damon before yesterday," she says, looking at Jeremy in shock. The flash of Damon wearing different clothes as he sat on her window seat appears in her mind and she realizes she has two new memories she didn't have before.

"Yes, you did," Shane confirms with a small smile. Exhilarated, she laughs, unable to contain her joy over remembering something she'd thought lost forever – that she wouldn't have to live with the emptiness for the rest of eternity.

"What do I need to do, Shane?"

"Push it. If you want your memories back, accept the pain, revel in it. If your mind starts to reach for something, focus on it. Don't distract yourself. Every time you let it go, you miss an opportunity to gain a new memory."

Elena nods. "I can do that."

"And another piece of advice: be with Damon."

"What?" she asks, a little shocked. Her body warms and she knows that if she was human, she'd probably be blushing.

"The memory you got back was about him," Shane says knowingly.

Elena narrows her eyes, understanding hitting her like an oncoming train. "The erased memories are about him, aren't they?

"You know they are," Shane replies with a smile. "Being around him will help you. Don't let him reminisce, though. Trick your mind, go to spots you visited together, but don't let him tell you your story. You need to remember by yourself, not through other people's eyes."

"Okay," she says, guessing that it'll be harder than anything she's ever gone through in her life. But anything is better than living with the missing pieces of her mind.

Better than the emptiness.

Elena swallows, trying to smile despite her apprehension. "Thank you, Shane."

"You're welcome," he says, getting up from the bed. "Rest a little, take a breath. Don't work your mind too hard. You literally have all the time in the world to break through the block."

"I'm going with Shane, now. We need to check a few things about hunters. You okay to stay here alone?" Jeremy asks.

"Don't worry about me, Jer; I'll just stay in bed today. Go and do everything you need to. I'll be fine."

"Okay," he says, kissing her forehead before leaving the room.

Elena takes a deep breath and slides down between the sheets. She's so exhausted that in seconds she is asleep again.

* * *

It's nearly six p.m. when the sound of a car parking close to her house catches Elena's attention and, somehow, she knows that it's Damon's. Checking herself out in the hall mirror, she listens to the car door being slammed and the footsteps making their way up to the porch. Running her hands through her hair to smooth out the tangles, she opens the door.

Damon is standing on the porch, looking uncertain as she offers him a soft smile. "Hi."

"Hey," he smiles slightly, taking her in from head to foot with an appreciative gaze that fills Elena with exhilaration. The notion that he is attracted to her is, strangely, not foreign.

She likes it.

"Please, come in," she moves to the side so he can enter her house.

"Thanks," he says as he crosses the threshold. Closing the door, Elena takes advantage of the moment to admire his delicious butt.

He moves around with a familiarity that proves the past that she suspects that they share. She knows as she watches him go straight into her living room that they spent a lot of time together at her house. She finds that thought comforting.

"Jeremy called," Damon announced. "Told me about Shane's visit."

_Straightforward_, she observes. _I can deal with that._

"Yeah, why don't you sit and we can talk?" she points at the couch. "I was going to grab a drink, do you want something?"

Damon shrugs. "Whatever you're having."

She nods, heading into the kitchen for her favorite bourbon and pouring two glasses before heading back into the living room.

"Here," she hands him one of the glasses and sits beside him.

"Is this bourbon?" he asks, his brows knitted together.

"Yes, and I'm sharing my favorite bottle with you," her smiles falters. "You don't like it?"

"I…love it," he says as he takes a gulp. "For curiosity's sake, since when do you like bourbon?"

"It's not so much that I like it, but more how it calms my nerves," she explains, rolling the glass between her palms. "I started drinking it after my, you know… attacks." She shifts uncomfortably under his intense gaze, averting her eyes. "It's good to numb the pain."

She doesn't know why she's sharing this information with him, but when he touches her knee and she takes in his sympathetic look, she relaxes.

Damon gets her.

He gives her a smile before his face hardens, showing concern. "Did you have any other…?"

"Not yet."

She feels the loss when he withdraws his hand from her knee. There's a moment of silence between them, before he speaks. "Are you sure you want to break it?"

"How can you even ask me that?" she inquires baffled.

He holds up his hands in defense. "I'm just thinking about what you'll have to go through. Is it really worth the pain?"

His dismissive attitude astounds her, until a new revelation comes to her and her eyes widen. "You don't want me to remember," she states, disappointed.

"No," he shakes his head vehemently. "There's nothing I want more than for you remember who I am, but…" he hesitates. "I don't want you to suffer more than you already did. I only want you to be happy."

Elena feels the rage burning inside her veins in matter of seconds.

"Do you think I can be happy with this hole inside my head?" she leaps up, furious. "For two months, my life was misery, Damon! Do you know what is like to not have memories?"

He doesn't say anything, just sits there watching her with a wounded expression on his face while she throws a fit. She feels a twisted satisfaction upon seeing his hurt expression. She hates how collected he seemed while she's falling apart.

"It's a void inside of me that nothing can fill. I feel so empty. After my parents' death, all the people I lost and even turning into a vampire, I thought nothing could make me feel worse," she laughs humorlessly, her eyes burning because of her tears. "I was clearly wrong."

She tries to hold it together, but as the tears start falling down her face, she can't stop crying. "Caroline is right. It is a curse; whoever did this to me must hate me so much."

She's surprised to see Damon looking at her with the most miserable expression she has ever seen on someone's face. For a moment, her heart aches for him and she wants to do something to erase the pain.

"I'm so sorry, Elena," he says, his voice thick with emotion.

She gives him a soft smile as she reaches for him, her hand cupping his face. "It's okay, Damon," she shrugs. "It's not like you erased my memories." She tries to reassure him, but somehow these are the wrong words. His eyes are suddenly shining with unshed tears as he looks at her with sorrow. Before she can say anything, he vanishes at vampire speed.

In the face of Damon's disappearance, Elena wonders how she ended up without any memories of him and why Damon blames himself. It's obvious to her that he feels guilty. She, more than anyone, can recognize a guilt-ridden person. _You always recognize your own kind_, she concludes.

**_TBC_**

**A.N.:** I'm so surprised by the amazing response. Thanks so much everyone that left me a comment. I hope you keep giving me your feedback or just your appreciation toward my work. Also, I want you to know that I'll update a new Damon/Elena fic called **Happiness**. It's two chapters and I hope everyone will check it out and review ;D

I got some comments from guests that I'll answer now:

**Guest01:** _omg omg omg , aha , i lovee it c; really you should keep going_

Thanks so much, sweetie! I'm glad you liked ;D I'll keep going until I'm finished.

**H:** _Amazing. Im in love with this fic and its dialogues. So in character and the sad air between damon and elena is just heart breaking._

I feel like I reached my objective then :D I intend to make this fic bittersweet, so I hope you'll enjoy. Nothing like a mix of romance and angst.

**Katie Hermione:** _This is amazing! It's so sad though I would cry if this actually happened!_

I wish it'd happen on the show! Thanks so much, sweetie :D

**Guest02:** _damn this is good keep going!_

Hope you'll like the new chapter :D


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear diary, I'm a mess. Today, I found out that Caroline and Bonnie have been lying to me. I'm not cursed at all. It turns out someone blocked my memories with some kind of mind control and my mind is fighting my body to get those memories back. Shane explained everything to me. I was hesitant to trust him, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt because he brought my brother back to me. So, when Jeremy asked me to trust and talk to Shane, I did._

_Anyway, when Shane told me about the blocked memories, it was like a piece of the puzzle fell into place. For a while, I'd known my friends were lying to me about something, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what, but now… It makes sense. He told me I wasn't supposed to even recognize that I was missing memories, so I understand why they never mentioned it. But I can't help but feel betrayed. My head is spinning with all of this new information. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I'm trying to organize this big mess inside my head and I can't._

_Then there's Damon. I asked Jeremy why Damon felt guilty about how I lost my memories and he evaded the question, telling me that I should remember on my own. I'm trying to focus my thoughts around it, but I can't. The only thing on my mind is Damon and all of the feelings that come along with him. _

_It's hard to explain and it freaks me out a bit, to be honest. I mean, I think about him and my first wish is to sit beside him and tell him everything I've been through in the last two months. All the pain and the loneliness I've felt since I said goodbye to Jeremy, my suspicions about my best friends hiding something from me and the fact I was more than ready to move on from my first love even though Caroline wouldn't accept it. I just want to lay it all onto him and it's scary. _

_Rationally speaking these feelings are the result of all of the suppressed memories inside my brain. Even though I can't get at the memories, my feelings are the same and they tell me I can trust Damon with anything. But the fact that I want to be so open with him is making me uncomfortable. I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know him, don't remember him. And yet I want to spill personal information to him. For God's sakes, I told him the reason behind my sudden appreciation for bourbon! I've never shared this with anyone and I just handed it to him without a second thought. It's unsettling, to say the least._

_And it's not just this blind trust I have in him, but how he makes me feel…better. Just the thought of Damon makes something loosen up inside of me and I don't know what it is. It's like now that he's in my life, I don't feel like I'm living on the edge of a precipice that I might fall over if I make one wrong move. The empty feeling is less suffocating. He makes it better. It's comforting. And it's damn confusing. I don't know what I want to do._

_Other than spend time with him._

* * *

Elena wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing on the nightstand beside her. Wiping her eyes quickly, she sits up, forcing the groggy feeling at the back of her brain away and reaches for her phone. Glancing at the screen, she fails to recognize the number but answers it anyway. "Hello?"

She waits a moment but there's no response on the other end.

"Hello?" she repeats, hearing an unsteady breath on the other end of the line. She narrows her eyes. "Damon, is that you?"

"How'd you guess, Elena?" his voice is rough and slurred. She exhales, tired.

"I just do," she mumbles. "You're drunk."

She hears his humorless laugh. "No shit, Sherlock."

Elena leans back on her pillows, staring pensively at her ceiling, illuminated by the dim light from outside. After meeting him twice, she'd gotten the impression that he wasn't the type to shares his innermost thoughts. If she wanted him to help her regain her memories, this call would be the perfect opportunity to convince him. She just needed to find the right words so he'd understand that she didn't care about the potential pain she'd go through if it meant that she'd get her memories back. She knew she was important to him because he was worried about her well-being and that was probably the key to getting what she wanted.

Being forgotten by someone you care about must be as painful as her situation.

"I may be the person with a hole in her memories, but I'm not the only one suffering because of it." Elena observes. "You're hurting too."

"Understatement of the year," he admits disgruntledly, pausing before he speaks again. "I'm sorry I took off like that."

"It's okay, I..."

"No, it's not, Elena," he interrupts. "If you want to remember…I'll help you."

She raises her eyebrows, surprised that he'd offer to help her so readily. _That was easier than I expected.._

"Thank you," she murmurs as a smile forms in her lips.

"Anything for you, Elena. You know that," he utters on a sigh, making Elena gasp in shock.

"Well, now you know," he adds with a laugh, seemingly amused by her reaction and adding another subject to her never-ending list of questions. The way he said it, like it was common knowledge between them…Elena can't understand how something that huge could be treated so casually.

It's unsettling.

"Goodnight, Elena," he murmurs.

"Damon, wait!" she cries without thinking twice.

A pause. "What?"

"Why did I remember you in the Salvatore Board House?" she asks the first thing that comes into her mind. A moment passes before she hears a sigh in the other end of the line.

"I'm Stefan's older brother," he admits before hanging up.

Elena doesn't move any muscle, trying to understand what Damon just told her.

The guy she had deep feelings couldn't be the older brother of her ex-boyfriend.

_That can't be right._

* * *

Hanging up the phone, Elena leans back against her pillows and closes her eyes as she takes a deep, calming breath. _Sleep,_ she reminds herself._ I need to sleep before I dig any deeper into my story with Damon._

Tossing and turning, she tries to find a position comfortable enough to put her racing mind to rest, but nothing works.

_Screw it_.

Hurling the comforter off, she rolls out of bed and grabs her cell phone from her nightstand and her diary from her desk before heading out of her bedroom. She needs to process what is happening in her life and the only way she can do it is by writing down her thoughts.

That, and consuming a massive amount of bourbon.

* * *

_Dear diary, Damon is Stefan's older brother. I have feelings for Stefan's. Older. Brother. How could this happen? I mean I must have developed strong feelings for Damon while I was dating Stefan. Right? How could I do that? The more I think about it, the more frustrated I become because everything is so fuzzy. Trying to remember my story with Damon is like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands. I'm trying to reconcile all my memories, but it's hard. I remember loving Stefan so much during the first few months, then the feelings lessened in intensity and then he was gone to be with Klaus because of something related to werewolves that I can't remember. I remember worrying about Stefan, wanting him back and then feeling guilty when he returned. I remember Alaric staying with us and helping us hold our group of misfits together. I remember a few confrontations with the Mikaelsons, Alaric trying to kill me and Stefan helping me. I remember seeing Stefan coming back to his old self, but I don't remember why we didn't get back together immediately. I remember turning and all of the misery and pain I felt. Everything else is foggy to me. I barely remember the summer Stefan was missing. _

_If everything is so blurred, it means Damon was there the whole time. It means I fell for him while I was with Stefan. And Stefan knows. I can't believe that I didn't see this sooner. He actually asked me if I could even remember the reason I broke up with him. How could he do something like this to me? What did he think? That just because I didn't remember Damon, I'd run straight into his arms again? That everything would be alright in the world the minute Damon vanished from my mind?_

_God, does Stefan even know me at all? Do I even know who Stefan truly is? Either way he got his answer. _

_No, Stefan it doesn't matter that I can't remember your brother. I'm not in love with you anymore. With or without Damon in the equation, I'm not going back to you. Ever._

* * *

The sound of a door closing upstairs startles Elena. She looks at her cellphone screen, noticing that it's 6:30 am. Jeremy is already up to start his practice with Damon in a couple of hours, something that Elena wouldn't have thought possible a couple of months ago. She's lost in her thoughts again when her brother enters the kitchen and looks at her over the counter top.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asks pointing with his head to her closed diary, the glass and the half-empty bottle of bourbon on the table.

"I tried," she shrugs, keeping her eyes focused on her diary. "Damon called yesterday."

Jeremy says nothing as he moves around the kitchen, opening cupboards, taking out the cereal box, bowls and spoons. He opens the fridge and she knows he's getting some milk. When he puts a bowl cereal and milk in front of her, she just smiles at him.

"Thank you," she says as she eats a spoonful.

"So, what did he want?" he asks as he starts eating.

"He said he'd help me to get my memories back," she explains. "He told me he's Stefan's older brother."

She studies Jeremy's face, but he looks unfazed as he eats his cereal.

"I broke up with Stefan because I was in love with Damon," she declares, testing the words out loud for the first time.

They felt right.

Jeremy closes his eyes and groans out loud.

"What?" she asks, confused by her brother's reaction.

"Can we not talk about you and Damon, please?" he begs. "I'm your brother and I know way more about it than I want."

She frowns. "What you mean?"

Glaring at her, Jeremy takes a gulp of his milk before he starts talking. "Sometimes, things got…boring at the lake house and Damon would drink and that would lead to certain confessions that I'd rather not think about. Ever," he stops for a moment, looking pensive. "The time I spent with Damon made me understand a lot about him and it was... Interesting."

"Do you trust him?" Elena asks, voicing the most haunting question she's had about the elder Salvatore.

Jeremy open his mouth and closes it again. Then he just nods. "Yes, I do."

She lets out a breath that she didn't know she was holding. Jeremy laughs at her expression.

"You know, I'm not the only one who trusts him," he says. "Alaric did too."

Elena's eyes widen in shock. "What?"

"Damon and Alaric were best friends," he pauses. "Losing him hit Damon hard. I think that's one of the reasons that Damon and I got closer, you know? Losing Alaric, I mean. And…you."

Unable to believe her ears, Elena swallows the lump that formed in her throat. She can't imagine Alaric getting along so well with a vampire, let alone being that vampire's best friend. Alaric didn't like her involvement with Stefan when she was human, but he never said anything about it. She'd always thought it was because he was a vampire hunter and he naturally disliked vampires, but now...She can't believe her last guardian was best friends with the vampire she can't get out of her head.

It sounded unreal.

The sound of Jeremy's cellphone ringing startles them. She watches her brother rolling his eyes at whatever is written on the screen.

"It sounds like my trainer woke up on the wrong side of the bed," he grumbles, getting up. "I'll see you later if I'm still alive," he winks, waving goodbye to Elena before heading out of the kitchen.

Elena shakes her head, laughing a little at Jeremy and his brotherly relationship with Damon.

Sometimes Elena's life feels like a movie – too insane to be real life.

* * *

Sitting on the sofa, Elena stares intensely at the cellphone in her hands, as if it holds the answers to all of her problems. She wants to call Damon, tell him she pieced their story together and she knows the truth. But what would that mean for her…for them? Would he see it as a green light to pick up where they'd left off? Elena doesn't even know where that is, let alone if she's ready to get into a relationship considering the mess her head is at the moment. She needs time. Would he wait for her?

Does she want him to wait for her?

_Yes_.

_Oh, yes._

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before dialing his number. He picks up after the third ring.

"Hello, Elena," he sounds breathless.

"Hey! Did you already kill my brother with exhaustion?"

She hears him laughing on the end of the line. "Don't worry. He's still walking, talking…breathing."

"So, are you guys on break?"

"Nope."

Elena rolls her eyes. "Can you take a break, then?"

"Sure, wait a sec."

Elena hears the muffled sound of Damon yelling to Jeremy that they'll have lunch soon, so he needs to clean up. Elena giggles amazed at the way Damon handles Jeremy. He sounds like something between a father and a brother, which should be weird for her but it feels rather comforting.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" he asks, giving her his full attention once again.

She wrinkles her nose at his directness. _Now or never_.

"Why didn't you tell me that we were together?"

She heard him hiss on sharp intake of breath. "Wow, which memory did you get back?"

"No memories," she explains. "I just…pieced all the information I had together and..."

"And the logical conclusion is that we were together?" he inquires.

"Well, I…," she frowns, confused. "Why are you talking like this? I _know _that we were together because Jeremy confirmed it."

Damon groans. "I knew those talks would come back to bite me in the ass."

Elena bites her lip, clueless as to how to proceed. "He didn't tell me anything, Damon. Nothing specific, it's just..." she pauses trying to put her mind in order. "I told him that I knew I broke up with Stefan to be with you and he just confirmed it. That's all the talk we had, I promise. Don't be mad at him."

"I'm not..." he huffs, sounding annoyed. "Listen, we were together for a few days, that's it. Then, you..." he trails off.

"I lost my memories of you," she completes.

"Yeah, that," he says detached.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks bewildered.

"What did you want me to tell you? 'Hey, Elena! I'm not only your ex-boyfriend's brother, but I'm also your boyfriend? Coffee?'" Damon demands, sarcasm dripping from every word. "Look, it didn't sound like something you should know so soon. No big deal."

Tears burn Elena's eyes. "No big deal?" she repeats. "My memories of you, my _feelings _for you are _no big deal?"_

Damon groans. "That's not what I meant! I mean, we weren't together for a long so it wasn't..."

"You're an ass," she snaps, cutting him off before hanging up.

Screaming in frustration, Elena throws her cellphone on the sofa and buries her face in one of the cushions. She cries until she falls asleep.

* * *

Elena wakes up clutching her chest. It takes her a few seconds to focus on the dream of Damon staring sadly at her, but she manages. She curls her body into a ball as her head starts throbbing with a migraine. She fists the cushion, fighting the urge to abandon the memory and hide from the pain. Images flash though her mind as the specific moment suddenly expands inside her brain and she remembers.

Everything.

Easing her grip on the cushion, her body relaxes as the pain fades. A sense of victory wells up inside of her. She understands it's the first battle of many, but she's proud. She made through it. She can keep going.

"I can do it," she murmurs, determined. It's become so important to get back her memories and not just for her own sake.

'_I promise you, I'll never leave you again_.' Damon's words replay in her head, making her heart ache at their sincerity. She's so confused. Knowing the nature of their relationship before she lost her memories, she knows how difficult it must have been for Damon to leave her. So, why had he? Why had he left, let her forget about him, instead of staying like he'd promised?

_I shouldn't judge him, _she thinks desperately. Whatever had happened, she wasn't supposed to remember his promise – she wasn't supposed to remember any of it – and he'd been destined to live with that. Live with the fact that she'd look at him without recognition. She can't imagine what that'd feel like and hopes to never find out.

It must be the worst feeling in the world to love someone who can't remember you.

_Well, I _will _remember him, _she vows. _I'll remember everything. _Who knows what she would do in his situation. Maybe she would have done the same thing – get up and leave everything behind, rather than clinging to the hope that she'd remember him some day.

Glancing at her phone on the nightstand, Elena sets her mouth in determination. _Fuck it_, she decides as she reaches her phone. _He needs to know I get it_.

_You promised you'd never leave me_, she types, sending the text to Damon.

She waits patiently for his reply.

_Yes_.

_But you had to leave_.

_I couldn't stay_.

Elena smiles sadly, tears gathering in her eyes._ I know. I think I understand_, she texts back and puts the phone on her nightstand.

She doesn't expect an answer from him.

* * *

Elena begins her research in her bedroom. First, she checks her drawers, then her closet, but she doesn't find what she's looking for. She gets the box under her bed where she keeps her old diaries, but there's nothing there either. She frowns, confused, because one of her diaries is missing. The most recent diary inside of the box had memories from July 2008 to August 2009, nothing more. The diary she's using now was brand new two months ago, so no memories before her inflicted amnesia. Hoping that she'll find something in the attic, she takes her search there.

"That's it," she closes the last box after hours of searching the attic, giving up because she can't find anything there either. Elena gets up from the dirty floor, brushing the dust from her clothes. She thought she could find something about Damon in among her things, but there's nothing. It's impossible that she doesn't have any kind of material proof of knowing Damon. Maybe one of her friends or even Damon hid all of the things that connected them to avoid questions about why she didn't remember him. She doesn't want to talk Caroline or bother Bonnie and Jeremy, so she calls the only other person she can.

"I can't find anything about us," she declares the instant he answers the phone.

"Well, hello, Elena. How are you this fine afternoon," he asks with a hint of sarcasm and condescension in his tone.

She sighs. "Hi, Damon. I'm great, how are you?"

"Fantastic," he replies. "Thanks for ask."

"Awesome," she mutters, eager to get back to the point. "Now, answer me: I tried to find proof of our past and I couldn't find any, why?"

His sigh is heavy on the other end of the line. "Listen, Elena. I have only a few things. If you want to see I can-"

"What you mean you have a few things?" she interrupts.

"It means that I have..." he stops abruptly, pausing for a long moment before continuing brutally. "You know what? Why don't you ask Caroline why you don't have anything about us in your house or you know...at all?"

Elena frowns, confused by the venom in his voice. She shakes her head, closing her eyes. _What did Caroline do? _

"I'll talk to her," she informs him.

"Have fun with that," he says before hanging up.

* * *

Screeching the tires as she pulls into the Forbes' driveway, Elena barely pauses to put the SUV in park before racing up the front walk. "Caroline!" she shouts as she bangs on her friend's door. "Caroline!"

The blond appears at the front door in a matter of seconds.

"Jesus, Elena!" She complains as she open the door. "What the hell is wrong?"

Elena enters her house without invitation and whips around to face her.

"I want to know why I don't have anything about Damon. No photos, no diaries from the time I met him and Stefan. I have nothing. Why is that?"

Caroline opens her mouth, shaking her head.

"Don't lie to me because I know you have something to do with it," Elena warns, stepping closer to her friend.

Caroline stiffens before she heading for the living room. Rolling her eyes, Elena follows her.

"Look, Elena, we made that decision because we thought..." Caroline starts as she sits on the couch.

"'We'? Who is 'we'?" Elena demands. The guilty expression on Caroline's face is enough for Elena to guess. "You and Stefan, of course. Why did I even ask?" she mutters. "Whatever, Caroline. Explain to me what you two have to do with my memories of Damon."

"You were never supposed to remember, so we thought it'd be safer if we just…got rid of anything that would raise questions we'd rather not answer," Caroline admits, averting her eyes from Elena.

"'Got rid of'? What the hell did you two do to my stuff?" she asks, trying to control the fury running through her body.

"We burned it," Caroline says quietly.

Without knowing what she's doing, rage propels Elena to slap Caroline in the face so hard that sends the blonde to the floor. Glaring down at her as Caroline holds a hand to her injured face, Elena feels nothing but satisfaction at the blood running down her chin.

"You are not my friend. You don't respect me, you don't respect my decisions or my feelings. You don't respect anything about me. This is my life and you've no right to decide what's important to me or not. You've no right to…to _burn_ my things." She looks at her friend with tear-filled eyes. "Stay away from me, Caroline."

Turning on her heel, Elena runs from the house, slamming the door shut behind her so hard that she hears the sound of the glass shattering and falling all over the floor.

Elena doesn't look back – not even once. She just keeps walking.

* * *

Jeremy isn't home when Elena arrives there after Caroline's. For a fraction of second she's relived that she's alone and her brother doesn't need to see her red, tear-stained face. He has too much to think about as it is – he doesn't need to deal with her memory drama as well.

She goes straight to the bathroom, washing her face and any traces of her crying. She's so tired of crying all the time. She needs to stop. For the sake of her sanity, she _needs _to stop.

"That's it," Elena addresses her own reflection. "No more crying or getting upset because of Caroline or Stefan."

She sighs and steps out of the bathroom. She takes her phone out of her pocket, searching for Damon's number.

_I just told Caroline to stay away from me_, she texts.

She stares at her message box until his reply arrives.

_Do you want me to come over?_

Elena thinks how much she wants to stay strong and not break down again over her friend's betrayal. She wants to not need anyone to comfort her or hold her as she cries. She doesn't want to cry again.

_Yes_.

She knows her weakness is always going to be caring too much about everything.

Damon appears in her bedroom a few moments later. One minute she's looking at herself in her vanity mirror, the next he's behind her. Somehow, she isn't startled by his presence or surprised that he didn't knock before he entered. He's just there, near the window, like he belongs there.

Maybe he does.

She can't remember.

He says anything as he crosses the space between them. She closes her eyes as she feels his chest against her back, sighing deeply before turning around and sinking into his embrace.

Damon stands there in silence, holding her close, his arms locked around her in a solid promise never to let go. Peace comes over her, foreign and familiar at the same time. She hadn't guessed it before, but this is exactly what she needs.

Damon is her missing piece.

**_TBC_**

**A.N.:** A huge thank you to Mariah (mchriste22) and Ani (amorevna at Tumblr) for your support and help. This fic wouldn't be here without you, guys.

I would like to say thanks to all the reviews I got from everyone, including the _**Guests**_, _**Katie Hermione**_ (No, I don't use twitter), _**Chellie**_, _**Camila**_, _**A**_ (Are you from A Team? xD), _**S**_, _**fire16**_, _**AHHH**_, _**Avid Reader**_ and _**Shan**_.


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